"His name is Nothing. Care for him and he will bring you luck"

So my friend comes on MIXI and says "I have a package to send you" and I'm like cool awesome.
About a month later, he comes on SKYPE and says "I send it to you. I think they said two weeks". I'm still like "Cool, can't wait"

His English was wrong.

It came 2 DAYS later.

This was my friend that Imet here, my language partner for 9 months. He sent me a package full of Morning Musume things, more specifically things we bonded over. It was more stuff from the 2000-2002 Morning musume, but that's who I liked. It was great. There is ever a photo or two of Coconut Musume.



There is more, just not all pictured. The letter Kentarou sent me almost made me cry. he thanked for the time I gave to him while he was here. He finally got a job to teach English and he wanted to make sure that I knew he was more than grateful for all the help.

He even sent me a few photos of a definitely grown up Kago Ai. NO nudity, but still..
( Hidey Photo Text )

They grow up so fast.

Thank you Kentarou!

when is the last time I wrote in this?

I'm pretty upset about the lack of Halloween spirit this year. Almost every store I visited has cleaned up their Halloween display about 2 1/2 weeks early. I doubt there will be any after Halloween sales. What was with the Simpson's airing their Halloween episode on the 18th? There also seems to be a though of having Halloween on a Saturday regardless of date. Hello? Keep it on the 31st. I sure people would be pissed if Christmas wasn't on the 25th.

oh and here is a very interesting link
http://chintz-of-darkness.blogspot.com/

check them out.

It's the anniversary of my near death, or death as I shall say.

It's been a long, fulfilling year since.

No longer to do talk myself out of things as easily as I once did. I no longer say "I can do it later" because I know for sure that later is never promised to me.

Most people don't believe in near death experiences, nor that one can be "brought back". All I know is what happened to me and what I saw and what I heard. I know I saw my so called friend walking out my front door at the same moment I was lying facedown on the floor. I know I saw myself running towards the door at the time my husband and my friend were screaming my name to my lifeless body. I know in my heart that the moment I looked into his eyes and said "I love you" that it was the end, at least for my mortal body.

Believe me or not, what I felt, saw and heard are not up for debate.

I'm just thankful for another year of my life.

SKYPE is such a wonderful thing.

Been spending the last few days talking 13 hours into the future. (so weird how that is). Usually it's with Yuko from Shimane Prefecture. She teaches English to high schoolers and have a front desk job. She's the go to women when they need English spoken. She definitely has that teacher tone when she's speaks in Japanese to me... and she's speaks FAST. I'm always going "ゆっくり話してください。(speak slower please). But her English is pretty fantastic, so we try to do both.

Speaking of Japanese
http://nihongo-dekimasu.blogspot.com/

best sight for free Japanese study material, movies and music. I got the entire "Erin Ga Chosen" which has been such a massive help for me. It's about a girl from the UK (in reality, she's half Japanese) and her challenges in studying in Japanese. Each lesson goes over a verb form, give examples and real life situations. It even gives you information on Japanese culture. It's all in Japanese, this show, but that's what I need to learn. The only subtitles are on the skits, but enough visual is presented for you to understand.

A lot of folks have told me that is how they learned. They removed as much English as possible and the dreaded romaji (roman language Japanese). They tried to use as much Japanese in their explanations as possible. They use Japanese-Japanese dictionary for the most part. In other words, they are associating as much Japanese with objects rather than English.

On Mixi, a friend went over every entry that I wrote using Japanese and give me a paragraph explanation on my mistakes... completely in Japanese. Talk about a challenge. Eek!

But I enjoy the challenge.

Andrew picks up Japanese all the time. He know what NOT to say to Japanese girls or what they say when they want a person to stop being a spaz. He can sometimes understand commands, like "Look" or Listen" or Stop". In a sense, he understand the most basic Japanese, like a child would. He knows how to order coffee or wine. But he getting better. He's coming with me to Japan and he doesn't want to be the american who can't speak any Japanese.

and yes, we wil be checking out the love hotels.. .but that Hello Kitty bondage room sounds a bit weird.
http://www.kittyhell.com/2007/01/18/hello-kitty-love-hotel-bondage/

talk to a friend in Hiroshima when you realized that day it is today.
I suppose we have come along way. We didn't put people in concentration camps (oh sorry.. can't call it that *note sarcasm*) for being of a particular race of people. Hiroshima is one place I definitely will visit on our trip, no matter how bad the vibes will be. I need to see it.

I don't want to imagine what an atomic bomb could do today.

I can no longer figure out what to call my house decor style. Alas it is never finished, but it's becoming sort of bohemian nonsense.. if that make sense, which it probably doesn't. But that who I am.

Went out to the Farmer's Market up in New Castle. It was so hot outside, but my first two tables got my two large bag of Barbie clothes and 6 Barbie dolls.. and some Bratz stuff(*ick*). so I was happy. I would have really searched around, but it was too hot to be out. Besides, too many people were out.

Yesterday we went to the antique store. They were having their Christmas in July sale meaning everything in the store was minimum 20% off, but there could be more. There was a section with 45% off, and I found a very nicely illustrated Alice in Wonderland book there. I got a bag of vintage barbie gear for $38. Got a Donny Osmand doll in it.. whoa. There was a Barbie in it with really cool eyelashes. Redbull got his marbie chess set. He claimed he is set for life.. but we'll see.

I have all this stuff that I have to organized.

I celebrated my 27th birthday on Wednesday. The man had off so we could celebrate together. Usually, my birthday falls on major horse racing days, so he can't usually get off, but not this year!

Paypal actually deposited the birthday money in my account in a day rather than the 3-4 days they usually take, so I got to go to the Antique store. I spent 2 and a half hours there. It was sooo amazing. They are having a 20% minimum on all items starting this Friday, with the options of even more percentage off, so guess where I'll be on friday?

I took photos, but I haven't uploaded them the computer. I usually post to MIXI first, so I'll get on to that.

Yah!

100 things. ( Yes I really did this)
I've always wanted to do this, so here I go.

1) Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a loner and I actually like being around people
2) I wrote a story when I was five about a killer alphabet soup.
3) My imagination is the nearly the same now as it was when I was about 3. The only difference is that is more detailed.
4) Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs is my comedic relief. That lotion scene kills me.
5) I feel in love with Andrew when he was still all overweight. Personally, I like that he has lost all the weight though.
6)I hate buying clothes, especially new. I will happily wear ratted, holey dumpstered clothes.
7) i took four years of Spanish and still can't hold a conversation with a native speaker.
8) I'm afraid of hot air balloons because I had a nightmare once about a giant hot air balloon holding up a 2 story tall doll's head. That's is simply freaky.
9) I have a weird memory system. I can't remember a lot of things, but I can remember minute details about things that happened 20 years ago.
10) I have 250 stories and counting that I have yet to finish
11) I once wanted to be a policewomen, then a SWAT team member, then an FBI and finally Secret Service. So in short, I used to want to have a career in law enforcement.
12) The video for "Earth Song" by Michael Jackson is one of my favorite music videos.
13) My first dumpster diver experience was when I was 5 and I got a bunch of toys.
14) I have never left the East Coast, although I have been up and down it.
15) I didn't own a cell phone until I was 18 and paid for it myself.
16) I hate shoes. I do. Andrew makes me wear shoes.
17) I love rainbows. I think they're neato.
18) I have never been one for girly men. I'm not for sensitive, talk about their feelings all the time guys. I like those dirty, muscular callous fingers type.
19) I abhor guns. For me, only cowards use guns. If you really want to kill a man, use your bare hands.
20) I don't have a nationalist bone in my body. There is no patriotism in me.
21) I don't shave. Anywhere. I don't really need to actually. Being african/native helps. If Andrew ever shaved off his pubic hair, I would NOT have sex with him until it grows back. Thankfully, Andrew and I shared the same feelings on shaved pubic hair.
22) I'm an cancer and it shows. I'm severely loyal, nurturing and antagonizing.
23) Everyday I want to throttle Andrew, but I love him so I don't.
24) I think I am the most unfeminine person I know.
25) I grew dreadlocks so I wouldn't have to deal with my hair anymore.
26) My hair is super thick and curly.
27) I hate when people make their locks look uniformed and sterile.
28) I'm super right brained. I think it's awesome.
29) There are usually headphones in my ears at all time.
30) Of all the places I have lived, I would have to say I despise Newark, the most. I have never been in a place of such absolute idiotic people and ideals.
31) I'm a sucker for 70s B movies.
32) I love movies that seemingly have no plot
33) As much as it may seem, I don't regret being in the US military. It really helped me see just how much I didn't know and shaped my way of thinking
34) I secretly hope for disasters at time.
35) I never had a broken bone. *knocks on wood*
36) Ever since reading the Boxcar Children as a child, I have always wanted to live in a boxcar.
37) Books about kids as runaways, living on their own without parents hold a special place in my heart.
38) If you recommend a movie to me, I'll most likely never watch it. I'm weird like that.
39) Not voting this past year made me happy as well not voting ever again. Choosing a master does seem quite silly to me.
40) Burger Time is the first game I can remember playing
41) I once had a nightmare about Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street bursting into my room. It was quite scary.
42) I find it odd that people can ignore people hurting.
43) Andrew's unintentional pick up line was offering me gum. Now I find it hard to accept gum from other people.
44) Regardless of how I look, I still get guy trying to pick me up on a daily basis.
45) People who get breast implants for no reason other than to "look better" make me laugh.
46) I've never been to Disney World and I don't think I want to go.
47) I'm extraordinarily open minded, but most people find that offensive.
48) I never want to be famous. Seriously I don't. I value my privacy.
49) I honestly do not care about money. People argue that with me, but I really dont' care about it.
50) I can stay up for days and not really be effected.
51) I won the best smile when I was in 1st grade and got a mittens and a hat as a prize.
52) I don't believe in the ideal of domesticating animals for pets.
53) I'm not one for sterile envirnoments, which might explain why I really dont' get sick.
54) Everyday, when I watch movies, I always start with CLUE. Yes, everyday.
55) I have an aversion to peanut butter, cheesecake and muffins. I can not stand being around them. It's because being so poor growing up, we ate whatever my stepfather brought home.
56) My sleep patterns may have me up all night, sleeping for a few hours, up for days on end. No wonder I'm crazy
57) I haven't been to the movies in a few years and I hope to keep that record up.
58) I have always hated the name of the candy bar "Whatchamacallit". I now depise the new one "Thingamajig". They really had to think about that one, didn't they?
59) I believe that the government will kill me one day.
60) Imagine is my all time top favorite song.
61) As much as I try, I can't give up caffiene.
62) I hate the way society works with symptons rather than causes of problems.
63) I rather walk than ride in a car or bike.
64) I love VHS tapes more than DVDs.
65) I put closed captioning on every movie that I watch.
66) Get Smart is my all time favorite TV show, even more than The Simpsons and Law and order SVU
67) I hated the end of Beetle Juice where Lydia is all preppy looking. Tim Burton gets to me with these happy ending blah blah blah.
68) I have this thing for dirty, dready traveller boys, but that is probably as far as it going to be.
69) I experience dream deja vu very often.
70) I hate talking on the phone, well, i don't like phones in general.
71) I still rock my cassette walkman
72) I used to have a crush on George Micheal.
73) Guess Who was the first game I ever brought. Girl Talk (with the diary) was the second.
74) I love smiley faces
75) I'm afraid of wearing contact lenses.
76) I have been interested in the paranormal since I learned to read. I think I know more about ghosts than anything else.
77) I blame my mother on my fascination with older horror movies.
78) I love Whodunit mysteries and brain teasers.
79) I hate anyone else taking my photo.
80) I liek suspense horror films, but despise gore filled flicks. I always wondered if we no longer have the imagination to create images in our heads, that we need to have the images on the screen in front of us.
81) I've been fingerboarding since the early 90s, before I know what they were.
82) For some really odd reason, I have had many people ask me what country I'm from, and usually from fellow americans. Do I seem like I'm from another country?
83) I never refer to a Volkswagon Bus as that. I call it the Sweet Pickles bus. In the mid 80s, the commercial for the "Sweet Pickles" books, always had a Volkswagon bus delivering them.
84) I hate needles. It takes people twice the usual amount of time to draw blood from me.
85) My favorite Muppet is Gonzo
86) I've always wanted to run into a wall of glass items and knock them all down.
87) I hate heels. I think they are just the dumbest thing for people to wear.
88) I think people who beat videos games in a single day really, really, really need to get a life.
89) My first Stephen King book was IT and I read it at nine years old.
90) I have 4 wisdom teeth.
91) I'm neither for Marvel or DC. Both can go somewhere.
92) But as a child, i did watch The Justice League and always liked the Legion of Doom Better
93) I've always been for the bad guy. Go COBRA! The bad guys usually always has the better end of the deal.
94) I collect crosses and angels.
95) I'm not romantic in a traditional sense. Andrew brought me flowers once in 10 years and that was because I was 20 hours away from him. He knows to bring me broken angel statues, or Barbie part if he wants to make me feel special. I'm weird, shoot me.
96) I believe that there is not a single thing in my life that isn't a choice.
97) I want to live in a treehouse one day.
98) I'm not always as strong as I appear to be
99) I am a dreamer
100) Reading this list doesn't ensure that you actually know me.

Congrats if you actually read this.

Ah.. still working on this apartment. I enjoy it though. I love being able to make my own things, based on what I like, not what people think I should do. I know people already will visit and say "Is that suppose to be like that?" and I will definitely have the pleasure of saying "Yes it is"

I love mix and match, but I hate things you can't touch. I want interaction in my home. When the kids come over, I love that they can play with the toys I have around. None of that keeping things in boxes for me. I hate boxes. I hate things that seem to be hidden from human touch. Maybe I feel keeping things in boxes creates a sterile environment, another concept I'm not down with.

See what happens when you put someone on the mental ward and tell them they can't touch/do anything?

I've been spending a lot of time on Mixi. Talk about creativity and DIY. Some of those rooms, accessories, outfits? Sometimes it hard to believe that people are talented in that way. I've been lucky to meet a few who do it for show, just like I do, not worrying about making money or selling, just showing the beauty of art.

Must get back to work.

The sun is rising as I write this. It's beautiful, silent, a nice lilac fade to a soft pink. It's quite eerie, but enthralling as well.

The apartment is a mess. I spend the last 3-5 hours rearranging the entertainment center, painting as the former exposed brown, and arranging items around my now 11 year old AIWA stereo system. It's far from finished, but so far am pleased with the results.

I'll sleep at some point today, probably after RB leaves for work. I want to stop by the dollar store and pick up some of the cheapo dolls, maybe a few more of those metal hang things. Picked up a few things yesterday, including 2 shadow boxes, wooden letters and crosses, and some bead/buttons. On Monday, we're going to the Salvation Army to see what they have. At the end of July, when we rent the car for RB's vacation, we will have a massive thrift store/flea market roadtrip in Delaware, Maryland and Jersey. I can't wait.

Ah, the sight of bare walls is blasphemy.

Wow.

Times have come and gone. Wow. I'm still amazed that I keep this.

But I do want to write in it again. Myspace has given me more headache than I like to remember and besides, there are no family members reading this (YAH!!!!!).

So.. hmm lately.. besides it being too freaking hot??
I've done phase one of cleaning.. surface and clutter. Now it's time for the deep cleaning, where bags of my past get dumped, nooks and crannies rise to the light, where Andrew comes homes and goes "What just happened?"

So far so good, as I plan to start sometime in the morning, depending on if I sleep tonight and if I talk on Skype. I'm sure I'm worrying my oversea friends with the lack of non communications as of late.

but let me get started.

Mixi.jp now (well since April) only allows you to register IF you have a Japanese telephone number. Which is understandable, seeing how it's a Japanese only based forum whatever you call it, and unlike Myspace/Facebook/Livejournal, it's gears towards Japanese folks only. Ads and whatnot, and all that.

What's amusing to me is people are still like "Can you send me an invite?" especially american based kids

NO. Sorry. If you don't have a Japanese telephone number (cell) you can't join the site. And even if you borrowed someone else, you better make sure that you can get a hold of that person for your invite password. It's like Read, dummy. (or listen when someone tells you what the requirements are)

I have no ideal how long I had mine...


BTW,, what is with everyone saying "Jap"? I don't get it. A lot of older (over 25) Japanese folks still consider that a racial slur.

If one more person comes up to me about this stupid President Elect, I swear, knife wound in the face!!

I guess people think I'm suppose to be happy and all jolly. But yeah.. sorry things like President or government do not enter my thought. I have MUCH MUCH MUCH better things to think about than some person who thinks they are someone special because people are duped into believing in giving their power to another person means change instead of relying on themselves to make change for themselves. Yeah.. I just wish people would focus on themselves and the community around them.


yeah.. stop now.


In other news. I keep painting everything in the apartment. I'm not getting a security deposit back, so why not make it the most awesomest place ever. SOon there won't be any item in my house that isn't decorated. I keep telling people I aspire to live in a home like Jane Lane's. Peace, Creativity and Freedom to be who you are. Definitely NOT the amerikan way.

It's 5:46am.

I should at least attempt to go to sleep. I can try... RedBull is sleeping.. and I like being in his arms...

hmmm


game boy love!

so.. more of that decluttering thing...

with my apartment, I'm getting rid of almost everything, except for important things. I have WAY too much stuff and it's really starting to overwhelm me.

yep.. short and quick.

Mario WTF

ah.. so yes.

After pretty much cutting off 98% of the people in my life, I feel like I should get a AA/NA token. I feel great and a lot less restricted. I feel able to think again. I like having freedom over my life again.
I feel great being allowed to be radical (and beyond) again. I hated having to feel like I was wrong for not following the crowd and having herd mentality. It feels like a brand new start.

Last night, I was able to fully express myself to Andrew, to tell him everything about the last 2 years that I kept inside. I know I have many issues that I still need to handle within myself, I know that he also needed to know.

It's hard to forgive someone for causing you pain. It's even harder to forget.

I forgave Andrew for what he put me through, but it also didn't mean I was doing okay.

I wanted to explore parts of me that I forced to stay hidden from my family for years, more specifically magick and spirituality along those lines. I've always been interested in Egyptian and Native American spirituality, but when I saw what the wrong kind of influence did to Andrew, I backed off, reasoning to myself that it wasn't right. Living in Newark, around the fakes, the misguided, the overall RP, his decision was based on what THEY wanted through belittling, threats, and bribes. Thank the stars that I came across two absolutely AMAZING pagans women (a couple) who let me see what I knew had to be true. Incidentally, their now closed shop was one of the first places that I felt completely welcome, regardless of my beliefs. I am grateful that Andrew finally saw in these people that what they had wasn't real. That they cared little about him, his relationship, or anything else of that matter. I no longer feel like an alien in my own home and slowly am I able to regain that trust and love we once had.

But I do feel much, much better. I feel I am able to finally open those doors I closed inside me long ago without prejudice, without fear.

Almost forever since I posted here.
What has happen since...

hmmmm... A LOT.
Like Andrew finally distancing himself from his family rather than drive himself into the ground with their "we'll love you and call you only when you're doing what WE want". The man is 26 with his own independent life. Stressing him so bad that he's physically ill is not love.
Getting a job that I'll probably end up not having soon.
Elimination of most people I once called friends.
ooo rave in Brooklyn on Halloween.
and so on...

I ended up dumping all my medication down the toilet. If I need to take "pills" to be accepted by normal society, then I rather be "crazy". Being real does not make you crazy. Telling people the honest truth and expecting the same back does not make you crazy. Not blindingly following trends does NOT make you crazy.

oh well...

Back to life.


Lunar