So

2038-01-19T03:14:07Z

Last night, I was able to fully express myself to Andrew, to tell him everything about the last 2 years that I kept inside. I know I have many issues that I still need to handle within myself, I know that he also needed to know.

It's hard to forgive someone for causing you pain. It's even harder to forget.

I forgave Andrew for what he put me through, but it also didn't mean I was doing okay.

I wanted to explore parts of me that I forced to stay hidden from my family for years, more specifically magick and spirituality along those lines. I've always been interested in Egyptian and Native American spirituality, but when I saw what the wrong kind of influence did to Andrew, I backed off, reasoning to myself that it wasn't right. Living in Newark, around the fakes, the misguided, the overall RP, his decision was based on what THEY wanted through belittling, threats, and bribes. Thank the stars that I came across two absolutely AMAZING pagans women (a couple) who let me see what I knew had to be true. Incidentally, their now closed shop was one of the first places that I felt completely welcome, regardless of my beliefs. I am grateful that Andrew finally saw in these people that what they had wasn't real. That they cared little about him, his relationship, or anything else of that matter. I no longer feel like an alien in my own home and slowly am I able to regain that trust and love we once had.

But I do feel much, much better. I feel I am able to finally open those doors I closed inside me long ago without prejudice, without fear.

私の夢の国 それは不思議の国よ

So

私の夢の国それは不思議の国よ