Log in

No account? Create an account

wow a whole year...

yes.. life has changed...a bit.

Marius Amadeo Charlton
February 27th 2012

He'll be 6 weeks on Monday.


so... moved on Monday..
found a really, really great BLACK couch, was the first thing we moved in.
Painted two walls BLACK (oh glorious darkness)...

so far.. things are moving slowly, but I ended up getting shelves up, tv center set up, dining room somewhat okay. and that's about it.

back to work


why do people only care when a disaster happens?

For the past 3 years, i have been sending money to a few friends around the world
mostly poor countries, who help feed their own people. And every single last person I told that
to goes "How do you know they are feeding? You're probably getting scammed"
but if I had sent money only during a disaster. I'd be called a "good person".
so.. sending money to poorer nations just because=being scammed.. sending only when disaster strikes=good person.

people.. just.. suck.

I still haven't heard from my friend Yuko. Yes. I'm still worried. She's one of those rare Japanese people, one who dares defy Japan's group mentality.. you know.. everyone thinks, acts, react the same.. (there is a reason why Japan has such a high suicide rate). I do hope I can find out where she is.



We move in 3 days! We move! We move!!

It would have been later.. but I can't. I can't live here anymore. I can't live around these people. This place completely changed how I see life and maybe for the better, but maybe for the worse. Definitely, definitely not trusting of people anymore. Not at all. Lost all faith in humankind. You know.. for the best.

So.. I will be out of Newark and may God help me if I ever make that mistake again. "... to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee"


I had an old friend re request me on FB lat night. one of those awkward situations really.
only, well main reason why I dropped him in the first place was because he was pretty much allowing people to criticize his white skin as if it was totally his fault for problems in the world. Like me, he didn't choose his skin color. If someone doesn't has the (for lack of a better word) the balls to stand up to someone who thinks they have the right to look down on your for a choice you couldn't make (like skin color, race, gender, sex), i just have no respect for you.

I'll probably tell him why, even more than I already did. I'm sure he could be a great asset to a revolution if he didn't just hang his head down in shame for being born white and male.

Speaking of revolution...
Andrew says maybe America will have one because of all that is going on in the world. My response? I think as americans, we are too lazy and too set in our ways. We don't even really fight for anything now, at least nothing worth changing. We fight for things that are insignificant. Or things that people should already have a choice to do.
For example.
I'm not against gay marriage or marriage in itself. But I know if I had the mindset that I have now, I wouldn't have married Andrew. Not because I didn't love him, but I didn't need to prove myself to the world that I loved him. I didn't need to have something that said "You are now officially a couple". I didn't need people to (Or not in my case) to think my relationship was worth something just because I "made the leap" and got married. As I said, thinking about it now.. after almost nine years, well, I didn't need that to make it work. Did you know there is a whole group of gay people who are against marriage, even gay marriage? They're called "Gay Shame". It blows apart the myth that everyone wants this one way of life. While I might not agree with everything they say, I think it's a worthy point. Whether or not you want to get married, that's on you. I could really care less, but if you DON'T want to, whether gay, straight, bi, trans, you should be allowed that option, and not be forced to think you HAVE to, especially by the radical gays who have totally been hijacking the issue and lumping all gay folks into one group. I know plenty of people gay and straight, who never want to get married and to me, that's perfectly okay. I believe in choices.

Someone a while ago wrote something that I had been feeling for long while but could never put into words. He wrote this around the time of the 2008 election..
summary - being opposed to women in the boardroom and gays in the military because he was against the boardroom and the military. That giving people the power to destroy people, destroy lands, destroy homes was not really a sign of equality. If a women now has the power to force evict a city block so they could put up high rise condos for the rich, would be call that a success? (a lot would say that, unfortunately).


no matter what I say to myself, I'll always be an anarchist, at least in spirit. I'll always be fighting. I'll always be standing on the edge. Even with getting this place, I'll now have more space to provide, to shelter.Living in Newark, I houses several people and well.. *closes mouth*.
The world isn't any getting any better. It isn't improving. I know we have to start now, or better yet yesterday if we want any hope in surviving.

this is what happens when life flashes before my eyes. I start to value it on a higher level.


Originally uploaded by Lunar Blue
This was my friend's Tim's truck...
until we collided with a tree that fell in the middle of a road..

I learned how people just kind of don't care about accidents, seeing that not a single person bothered to assist us at all.. they just looked and turned around. Awesome Pennsylvania.. really.

This tree took out the window pillar. If I had not gone.."TREE! TIM!", Tim would not have reacted by throwing me down on the floor, covering my body with his and slamming on the brake, I don't think I would be typing this right now. Decapitation.. hmmm..

Me and windshields DO NOT get alone. This is my second accident in my life and the first involved flying through a windshield..

Fun times.


the fun parts about the internet..

having to wade through "Hi. I'm 15 and here's a photo of me in my thong. I have to hide it because my parents might find out and totally like ground me for a week. when I'm 18, i want to do porn, because it's like so easy and I already have had sex like 30 times and like,,yeah! oh and I hate condoms" and having people go'' OMG that's so hot" and a lot of them being like 20-30 something guys.

oh god...

if you know me.. I am the farthest away from "prude" as you can get. I draw penises.. alot. I even make them out of clay. I'm all about some porn and sex.. um.. yeah.. all over some happy goo times.

but seriously? come on. Have a bit of self respect. Porn is not all it's cracked up to be (i should know.. ). Pictures you post on the internet of you at 15 in thongs and covering your nipples WILL always be there. They DO NOT go away. And not using condom (or any form of birth control).. that's just stupid. I myself am a great-aunt. My 17 year old niece is a mother. Did I want to smack her? Yes... I'm not gonna say "No, don't have sex" but be responsible. Three seconds to put one on.

Waiting for appraisals to take place.. suck. I mean I got a realtor and the mortgage guy who stay on top of things, which is good. Waiting just sucks.
People tell me. "Don't move to Wilmington. It's a ghetto".. *said by white folks who really have no clue what is considered ghetto. To them, working class people are ghetto*
Newark is no better. Sirens are still constant here, crime is actually pretty high here, like robbery and assaults. I like diversity in a neighborhood. I certainly don't have that here. Living on main streets is horrible. it's only quiet between 3am-5am, in between college kids, cars, delivery trucks and parades. When we did the house tour, it was so quiet, it was scary. I haven't had things that quiet since I was 9.

Waiting..waiting.. waiting...
but at least I'll have Fallout 3 to occupy my time...
also been wondering what to put on my walls.
I'm thinking of doing this again.. what I did a year or so ago.

but also have either tetris or Mario as well.. decisions.. but I'll have more space to do it.. so..


This needed to be added.

in a thread of "Movie (TV) cliches that need to just DIE already, someone wrote...

"In sitcoms, all male protagonists are 40-something guys, obsessed by old cars, sports and beer. They have a mental age of about 15. They are well-meaning, but completely obtuse and oblivious to the obvious. No matter what they do, they always end up being wrong. Their wives are hot, highly intelligent, perfect in every way and are never wrong or make mistakes"

HAhaha.. yes. Although, this is back as far as the Honeymooners.. so nothing new.
someone else responds to above quote with
"I was thinking the very same thing. It is just an acceptable form of sexism. If women were portrayed as men are, every women's rights group would be protesting outside of the studios. "
Even more true. That's why you rarely see women/men activist getting that upset about how men are portrayed because they don't look at these things as sexism, same as when a black people treats a white people like crap, because people, stupid people at that, don't see it as racism.. at all. All because we are told most of our lives that racism can only be one way (White people towards everyone else) sexual discrimination (People CAN hate you for being straight. Believe me.) or sexism (women can be more predatory than men. Don't believe me? Hang around a place filled with women for a few days. You'll change your mind).

I'm in the same vein as tired of seeing only light skinned, relaxed hair black people in TV/movies. Or perfect dreaded hair people.
I want to see more nappy head, dark skinned, wild black folks. We exist!!!!


Hype was a definite buzzword in the ghetto growing up.
The "hypeman", hype it up.. stuff like that.

I hate Hype.
I do.
I hated it then and I hate it now.
I especially hate Hollywood Hype.

Not having cable or just general TV, i miss out on a lot of hype and I'm
forever glad of that. I miss out on news, movies, speeches, tv shows, premiers
award shows, reality tvs, music videos, everything.
It'll be like hmm 8 years that I've been without cable.
It's amusing to me to have people come up to me and talk about some new movie, or show and I go
"Um, what are you talking about?" and then they going "How could you NOT know?" and my response of
"I don't watch TV" and then look of "What kind of person doesn't have cable?"
The person who knows how to think for themselves, maybe?
Why do I say that?
There is no denying that TV shapes how we feel, react, interact with general society. Home schooled children are often criticized for not having "socialization skills", which simply means acting like children and teens their age, or acting in the way we, as people, expect them to be.
I have no "socialization skills". I do not. I could care less how I come off to people. I do not have time to reorganize myself to everyone I meet. I am generally not a bad person. I normally treat everyone the same. You get no special treatment from me. Ask Andrew. yes, I would die defending him or give him my heart in a second, but he knows I am not gonna excuse him acting like a jerk or lowering who he is to ANYONE. In fact, i am on his case about that more than anyone I know. Not a single person I know would tell Andrew the truth about things. It sucks for him to hear it, but life does not get better shielding him from the truth. And where has that got him? 28 years old, completely independent, a future and a few weeks away from his first home. I can not say I hang out with a single person right now who can say that. Oh wait.. yes. Brian who finally moved out, but I'm waiting to see how long that lasts. (When I say independent, I mean like paying 100% for everything on your own. No roommates, no parents, living on your own kind of thing). Which is kinda funny, seeing as Andrew does not make a lot of money. Maybe between $1500-2200 a month, and that is 85% based on tips. I guess it's just being smart and also not wasting money on stupid things, aka cable.
So back to hype.
A discussion on movies with some peeps had me thinking about hype. How we HYPE up so much and literally try to smother out people who might go "Eh, no big deal". Like with Avatar. I didn't see previews or anything until I think the movie already came out and for me, not really my type of movie (I didn't like Pocahontas, why would I like a super sized CGI version of the same thing pretty much?). The lone hero saves the "cultured" people thing and learns to be like them thing.. eh. I'm not super impressed by CGI that much, (although this little ball that rolls around on the floor with lights can totally have me enthralled for hours. Maybe because it's REAL). But, like with Harry Potter, it's like "You HAVE to see it! You'll love it". People who say that to me don't know what I like obviously. But people get so downright pissed off that someone wont like something they like. It's funny and actually kind of scary when you think about it. People brutally harm people for not liking something they like. No joke. Mob mentality is serious. Ever tell a geek you don't like Star Wars?

There's this movie called Dogtooth (english title). It's a Greek film and it's seriously messed up. I fully, fully expect people to hate it, but I like it.. in a way. It's about three kids who are raised on the outskirts of this town, by their parents in this really nice house, but they have NEVER left the grounds of this place and know nothing of the outside world. The parents make up new words for things, like instead of Carpet, it is now called roadtrip, a salt shaker is called a phone, things like that. The parents have completely shaped their kids minds to what they believe, like telling them airplanes are toys in the sky and that they fall to earth every now and then (And then throwing a small airplane into the grass to prove their point). I like this movie because, to me, it's not that different from what we do to ourselves. If a movie is hyped as being ground breaking, and flashed as the greatest thing ever, the masses will eventually go "Greatest movie ever. I will watch" and get really, really pissed at those who don't like it or go against.
We see that with social networking. Make something "popular" and people flock to it. Twitter and Facebook are pretty much the same thing, yes it is. You update your status. How many people have both and update them with the same thing? Do I really need to update what I'm doing ALL the time? When I took pretty much 98% of the people I knew personally in real life off my FB, i got people going "Why did you do that?" to which I responded, "I can go down the street and talk to you if I wanted to see you". If I'm going to use sites like that, for me, it makes MUCH more sense to use it to talk to people I'm most likely never going to ever meet. But I'm much more of a fan of face to face, in real life. You get a better feeling for a person when you actually meet them.

So we are weeks away from the move. I think the first thing I'm doing is painting a huge list of house rules, the first being "This is a Political Correct-Free household. We reserve to right to drop kick your stupid self out the front door. We judge you on the content of your character and don't care about your "difference". You're a human like us and deserve no special treatment. Get over it" and the second being "Our house. Our choice of decorating. Don't like it? Get Bent". Biggest pet peeve is people telling me how to decorate my house and what's "Tacky". You want to decorate in "shabby chic" or from Ikea? go right ahead. Your house. I like the upside down American flags, the severed heads and penis drawings in my house, thank you very much. I don't censor myself for no one.

The excitement hasn't build up fully yet, but it's getting there.

quick note

What bothers me about the 20/21st century, is that we, as people and yes mostly western 3rd world, look at everything in past, present, future in 20/21st century eyes, without regard to what life was like, situations, or anything. We look at nude children in 16th-18th century paintings/portraits as child porn because we now look at all forms of nudity as vile/or porn, for example. We look at memento mori photos as disgusting because we shield ourselves from the realities of death.

Neither side is a cake walk, yes. The past was not easy and our future won't be either, but we can keep up the false hope that it will be. But oh well..

so home inspection was yesterday. Not really any issues. The homes inspector was so awesome. Reminded me of a old Irish grandfather. It was about an hour and a half, me taking a million photos and joking with the Realtor kids he had to bring with him because of no school yesterday. They were cool kids. I could get that after a bit, they were bored just sitting here. age 8 and 9. yep. very rare to see kids that age who are still active. The walls are GREAT. Not a sound could be heard. The people next door were home, well I think they were.. seeing two cars in the driveway. the front door was open and occasionally could hear a car driving by, but the neighborhood was quiet for the most part. If school was out around there.. I couldn't tell. We walked the neighborhood, cars but only a few people could be seen. My parents went around there last Saturday afternoon and she said it was pretty quiet then.
so, spee. Front yard, a wide double car driveway (that we won't use for cars), 3 bedrooms, basement for Andrew, living room, dining room, kitchen. I can't wait.
just waiting for the appraisal go through (about 2 weeks). It might be 30-40 days before we can move.. but God help us, we might be able to move sooner. *prays super hard*

House is half packed up. I just want to go from main street to house.

ahhh... i love my life.